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FIFA Apocalypse

I’m actually in the middle of an important league game on FIFA at the moment, but I had to break off in order to inform you that the world is about to end.

I’ve written about FIFA’s atrocious commentary before here, but just now, in the most touching display of humanity, Martin Tyler and Andy Gray just exceded all expectations.

There’s a break in play, and Tyler speaks to Gray. “Now, I know you must have really loved playing football, but being a commentator is something I really enjoy. Is that the same for you, Andy?”

Gray pauses. “Ah, yes,” he says. “Playing football was obviously wonderful, but this… this career of mine, I guess you’d call it…” he pauses again. You can imagine him looking at Tyler, then coyly looking away. “…well, watching football with you… I must say,” he continues, “I’ve loved every second of it.”

There’s another pause.  You can hear them welling up, obviously the only two men in existence that know of the enormous comet that’s about to wipe out mankind.

“The feeling’s mutual,” says Tyler. “It’s been an absolute pleasure.”

You can just about hear the sirens wailing in the distance, and picture the reams of people desparately clinging to their loved ones in hope of salvation.  The end will come soon, Martin and Andy.  Not long now.


3 responses »

  1. For a minute I thought you’d discovered a bleak post-apoc FIFA game. I can still hold out hope I suppose.

  2. I’ve always found that chain of dialogue to be slightly odd. I forgot about the chances of FIFA Apocalypse.

  3. I actually think that’s the only thing FIFA-related that hasn’t bored me to tears. I’m a disgrace to my country.


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